How to grab attention (un)successfully…

„Your name is in the Eipstein Files.“

So went the Subject Line from the screenshot of an email I saw on Twitter.

(I still refuse to call it X.)

The email body went like this:

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Hi Shlok,

Apologies for the subject line. But in a sea of mails, this was the only way to grab your attention.

I am looking for a marketing role. My resume is attached. Please let me know if you are hiring.

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„Wow, this is awful lol“ was my immediate reaction…

But apparently…

The comments didn’t share my sentiment…

Every second comment was something akin to:

„wow his clickbaitng skills are elite, he built for marketing.“

„The subject is a great hook, perfect marketing in my book.“

Well…

It seems most of you are reading some trifling books.

Because that’s not a great hook – that’s some serious shit and unless you have a REALLY clever way of paying it off in the text…

(Spoiler: he didn’t…)

…leading with such a clickbait – a serious one at that – is very myopic thinking.

(Not to mention he spelt it wrong lol.)

But the email body was even worse:

First of all, he snitched on himself being a poor marketer with this line:

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…this was the only way to grab your attention.

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This is a field where creativity is paramount – so if that was your ONLY idea of how to get someone’s attention…

… I doubt you’ll go far.

And then, ironicaly, he goes and asks for a marketing role.

Which brings me to the second point:

What’s in it for them?

The appeal is entirely self-serving – there’s nothing in it for the other end.

I guess you could say another employee but…

…marketers are hardly in short supply – I doubt the guy is hurting for more of them.

Point is:

He wouldn’t even get a reply back from me – let alone what he wanted.

(And it’s his fault – he demonstrated his marketing „skills“ right there.)

What would I have done differently then?

I don’t know.

I don’t know the recipient, the person or company in question – so I can’t say for certain, I’d have to take some proper time for it.

What I can say for certain…

Is that I wouldn’t resort to cheap clickbait tactics.

Let’s say you really need to reach Mr XYZ at his home – something’s urgent.

You call his home, but the wife answers instead…

So you kindly ask her:

„Hi, I’m Mr ABC, and I was wondering if Mr XYZ is home?“

„Yeah, he is, but he’s working on something at the moment – would you like to leave a message?“

„Oh please, Mrs XYZ, I’m afraid his life may be in danger – it is of paramount importance that I speak to him, otherwise he might get hurt badly. Please, time is of the essence!“

Will the wife get the guy on the phone for you?

Almost certainly.

But what will happen when Mr XYZ picks up the phone and you answer with:

„Hi, I’m sorry I told you wife your life may be in danger haha – I had to get your attention somehow, and this was the only way of getting your attent–”

*BANG*

The guy slams his phone down – ending the call and also blocking you from ever calling again.

So…

Did you manage to get the guy’s attention? Did you manage to trick your way inside his household?

Yeah sure…

But you ain’t ever getting back in.

This is a very short-term way of doing business.

Same thing with the „Eipstein“ kid – did he find his way inside the guy’s inbox?

Yep, but he ain’t getting back there ever again.

Resorting to cheap clickbait tactics like that…

…just never works long-term.

Same with some email marketers – who most definitely think of themselves pretty clever – when they put „RE:“ in the subject line of an email.

I actually got an email like that today:

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RE: 20% Off Your Supplement Purchase💪

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Oh gee…

If only I ACTUALLY bought a supplement from them.

This signals to me that this brand – or at least the people who do their email marketing – prioritise quick sales…

…over a long-term relationship with its customers.

(An awful way of doing business IMO, but we live in a democracy – you’re free to run your business whatever indigent way you choose to.)

I prefer taking a 5-year view of my email list – my newsletter – over a 5-week one.

My reasoning is that your CAC goes down that way… your LTV goes up that way…

And it’s also just more enjoyable NOT having to act like a slicked-up 1980s used car salesman.

But that’s just me.