What I’ll do in case AI ends up kneecaping email marketing…

This morning, I saw an article about Gmail’s AI (Gemini) ‘changing the rules of email marketing.’

In short:

Gemini is summarizing, prioritizing, and sorting emails more heavily than ever – leading some emailers to believe that metrics like opens & clicks…

…aren’t even worth that much anymore.

Now this isn’t anything new frankly – Gmail has been prioritizing and filtering emails for years…

Their AI is just accelerating it all.

But it got me thinking:

What would I do if an even bigger AI-powered shake-up came along and turned the inbox upside down?

So I pulled out a sheet of paper…

And jotted down this plan of action:

(1) Keep the email design plain-text to boost my odds of not landing in the spam/promotions folder…

(2) Focus on writing relevant, interesting and entertaining emails people actually want to read instead of churning out blatant sales pitches.

(3) Email every day without fail (some days even more than once.)

(4) Avoid using AI in emails like the plague considering people are outright hostile to it.

(See my “A failed bodybuilder, ChatGPT, and an empty book walk into a bar…” email for an interesting example – it’s reuploaded on my Email Echoes page.)

(5) Write the most compelling subject lines I can possibly dream up – so compelling that NOT opening the email requires Green Lantern-esque willpower.

(6) Reinvest some of the email revenue back into growing the email list itself.

(7) Never promote more supplements than one per email to avoid triggering analysis-paralysis since the brain can’t multitask.

(It’s also terrific for deliverability.)

I wrote this down…

Then sat back and chewed my pencil – when another thought hit me:

But what if no big inbox shake-up – AI-powered or otherwise – comes along?

What if everything just… stays the same?

What would I do THEN?

I figured it best to be prepared – Aesop’s Ant and Grasshopper fable taught me well.

So I whipped out ANOTHER sheet of paper…

…and jotted down another action plan:

(1) Keep the email design plain-text to boost my odds of not landing in the spam/promotions folder…

(2) Focus on writing relevant, interesting and entertaining emails people actually want to read instead of churning out blatant sales pitches.

(3) Email every day without fail (some days even more than once.)

(4) Avoid using AI in emails like the plague considering people are outright hostile to it.

(See my “A failed bodybuilder, ChatGPT, and an empty book walk into a bar…” email for an interesting example – it’s reuploaded on my Email Echoes page.)

(5) Write the most compelling subject lines I can possibly dream up – so compelling that NOT opening the email requires Green Lantern-esque willpower.

(6) Reinvest some of the email revenue back into growing the email list itself.

(7) Never promote more supplements than one per email to avoid triggering analysis-paralysis since the brain can’t multitask.

(It’s also terrific for deliverability.)

*phew* “That was a lot of writing.” I said, sitting back in my chair.

I looked over my original action plan and nodded…

Then I looked over my alternative action plan and grunted in approval…

Then I looked back at my original plan…

Then back at my alternative action plan…

Then back…

And forth…

And back…

And forth…

And back…

Until a sudden realisation hit me – and I stood, bolt upright in the middle of my office, and cried out:

“I’M LATE FOR THE GYM!”

…anywho.

The moral of this email is a deep, secret enigma that only the chosen few can probably decode.

(For extra points, try substituting “Gmail’s AI changes the inbox” with “Google changed <thing> “, “Apple rolled out another <update/change>”, “Klaviyo launched a new <feature name>”, “open rates have fallen <number>”, “<LinkedIn guru> found another <“NEW BEST PRACTICE”>”.)

Anyway, time for my gym – enough ice cream for the soul