You arrive home after a visit to the grocery store: “Honey, I’m home!”
No response.
“Hello?”
Still no response from your spouse.
“Honey, where are you?”
Still, crickets.
You make your way into the living room where Morgan Freeman is waiting – dressed in an all-white three-piece suit.
“Hi there,” he greets you. “Take a seat.”
You oblige – it’s Morgan Freeman after all…
“While you were away,” he begins, “I did something with your significant other…”
“What?” you reply, apprehension creeping into your voice. “What did you do?”
“Don’t worry, she’s fine.”
“Oh, I already got worri-“
“You’ll never see her again”, he cuts you off curtly.
“What?” you stammer, disbelief tightening your voice.
“What I said.”
You sit there in stunned silence for several seconds.
“See, I’m conducting a little experiment,” he says, breaking the silence. “With a handful of people just like you.”
He leans back.
“I’m taking their spouses away. Permanently.”
Your shock begins curdling into anger.
“But why would you do that? Where is she? GIVE HER BACK TO M–”
Morgan silences you with a small downward gesture of his hand.
“There’s another part to this,” he says. “While I did take your spouse away, I’m aware you still need someone to love… someone to share your life with.”
He rises from the couch and begins pacing slowly across the room.
“So here’s what’s going to happen: I’ll present you with 100 women, and you’ll choose one to spend the rest of your life with.”
“LISTEN HERE, YOU FUC–”
A strange pressure clamps around your jaw – your lips fuse together as if they were never there. You try to scream, but no sound comes out.
“Anyway,” Morgan continues, entirely unfazed, “there is one catch.”
He pauses.
“Of those 100 women, you won’t get to see, meet or hear a single one of them.”
“Not even a photograph.”
You try to protest, but only muffled, panicked grunts escape through the smooth skin covering your mouth.
“The only thing you’ll have to base your decision on…” Morgan pauses, letting the absurdity settle in, “…is a single email from each woman, telling you about herself.”
He makes a small flicking motion with two fingers – the skin over your mouth parts instantly, your lips return.
“B-but… why are you doing this?” you manage, your voice barely above a whisper.
“Orders from above,” Morgan says, pointing toward the ceiling. “Apparently, we’re running a few split tests.”
“I can’t do this,” you say. “I love my wife too much.”
“I know.” He raises one hand. “That’s why, when I snap my fingers, every memory you have of her will disappear.”
Your stomach drops.
“And then,” he continues, “you can choose from the hundred.”
He snaps his fingers, and immediately a white-hot pulse flashes through your skull.
For half a second…
…your mind feels flooded with light – then strangely hollow. By the time your vision clears, Morgan Freeman is gone.
*ahem*
Thank you, Morgan – I’ll take it from here.
Well then…
You still have to make that decision, right?
How do you pick 1/100 based on a simple plain-text email?
What would you want them to write about themselves?
The answer is everything.
“Hi, I’m Bunny. I enjoy astrology and long walks on the beach, hope you pick me! xoxo”
You’re not deciding to spend the rest of your life with a person based on a 17-word email.
That’s standard ad agency stuff:
“Oh, people’s attention spans are fried, so we gotta make each email as short as possible.”
(I worked in one, and this is how a lot of them think – not even satire.)
The whole attention span thing is horsecock.
People who are NOT genuine prospects…
…will NOT read even the first two lines of your email/Ads/whatever.
People who are genuine prospects…
…want to know every single damn thing.
(Provided it’s still made relevant & interesting.)
The Dune 3 trailer came out recently – know what the top comment under it was?
“Won’t settle for anything less than 4 hours.”
2376 people share that guy’s sentiment.
(Including me, I loved the first two movies.)
But I thought short-form reels and TikTok and YT shorts fried people’s attention spans so hard…
…they can’t focus on anything for more than 8 seconds?
The sheer fact you’re already 720+ words deep into this email should be preponderance of proof enough that that’s a glaring misconception.
That’s why I don’t shy away from making 300, 400, 500+ word emails promoting creatines, pre-workouts, proteins etc.
It’s because long emails work.
(If you wanna see a few examples, check out the Appendix section in my book.)
Much better, I may add, than the standard short: “Flash Sale 20% OFF!!!” email.
Whatever.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink it.
If you buy into this “cooked attention spans” narrative…
…then my Email Storyselling method probably isn’t for you.
In that case, put this email on the shelf.
[Part of this email’s content has been removed from this Email Echoes version of it.]
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